Are you a phuck boy?

Dear Fellas,
​We are tired of the phuck boy syndrome! So, to avoid your malicious ways, we have put together a list to help us stay far away from you. I mean if we’re still “just kicking it” after a year then chances are that you just might be [and by ‘might’ we mean ‘are’]  a phuck boy. Yes, we are trying to avoid dating you at all cost, because simply getting our hopes up, then leaving us with vague answers and not sealing the deal, is definitely the recipe for a disastrous “situationship ” with you.

​So, fellas, help a sister out, if you find yourself having attributes like the ones list below, then please steer clear away from us! Because your goal is to simply waste our time, and ain’t nobody got time for that.

Are you:
1.      Mr. “I can’t be monogamous, even though I am in my 30s”:
If you are this guy, then my friend you are a phuck boy.  So, you just want to be out here dating everybody, and anybody huh? Slinging your ding-a-ling at anyone! The real question is, are you sure that you are not ready, or is this a sorry excuse just to avoid being in a committed relationship?

2.      Mr. “I ain’t got a job, I am still figuring it out”:
Yo, you in your late 30s though! If you haven’t settled into your career by now, or don’t even have an idea of  the direction you are heading, then my friend you are simply going to waste our damn time, because you are in no shape or form to settle down with anyone.

3.      Mr. “I still don’t know how I feel about our relationship”:
Umm excuse me sir, we have been in a relationship for two years now, and you are still not sure about a future together? How about don’t let the door knob hit you where the good Lord split you! You will have to make up your mind, if you want us to continue this relationship.

4.      Mr. “I don’t have any money!”:
Hey I get it, when in a relationship, you both pick up the tab every now and then. However, fellas, if you are broke every time we go out on a date, then you are simply cheap and trying to use us. So please just get out of our lives. We need a hero not a zero! We’re not the welfare or charity office!

5.      Mr. “I can’t pick up your phone calls, let’s just text”:
All you want to do is text huh? Do you need time to come up with the perfect response, because you actually have a girlfriend? Are we your side chicks? Listen, if you can’t be exclusive then what the hell are you doing talking to us?   Don’t lead us on, and make us think you are interested when you are clearly involved with someone else. Boy Bye!
6.      Mr. “I don’t want to grow up”:
Dude, why is your grown ass posting and liking inappropriate pictures of women on your Instagram? Also, why are you still out here clubbing with your homies, when you’re damn near approaching your mid 30s. If you still need to seek validation from “useless activities” then we just need to go our separate ways. There is such a thing as being too old to be in the damn clubs!

7.      Mr. “I am not ready for commitment but I am ready to lay in bed with you”:Bro, what do you think this is? The holiday inn? So when it comes to sleeping with us, you are attentive and interested, but when we start catching feelings and want something more from you, you disappear and cut off all forms communication. Really tho? Thanks a lot, phuck boy!

Fellas, do any of these descriptions sound like you? If so, you either stay away from us, or do better.