Oh the aged old friend zone story….
Have you ever found yourself getting close to a girl you like and had all the hopes in the world of going steady with her, only to find yourself going down the sticky friend zone path? Well, If you have found yourself in this situation, I feel bad for you son (Jay Z voice) you definitely got 99 problems and the girl you like is one. Before I dive deeper into this post, let’s define what the friend zone is for all the wondering minds out there---- The friend zone is a platonic relationship between two people, where one person is more interested than the other, but it has been made clear that there will be no pass go and no romantic advances in the relationship. Seriously, the friend zone is a difficult place for a guy if he discovers that he has unrequited feelings for a girl. In the friend zone, the thought of becoming more than a friend is daunting, you are afraid of your friendship possibly falling apart if you let her know your true feelings. I mean for real, if she said “you are just like a brother to me” or even “I’m just not that into you” –you would totally die, so what do you do? You tell yourself to remain mum about your intentions and watch her go out with the next guy.
So how does one swerve the friend zone? --If you find yourself in the above situation and you are wondering how the hell you are going to get out alive, don’t fret because we got you covered. There are ways to transition from being just ‘friends’ to dating. You have to handle the situation carefully if you want to swerve the “friend zone”.
#1: Be her friend without acting like the “best friend” in the romantic movies— meaning, don’t spend countless hours talking about what’s going on with her and other men. Also, don’t dwell on problems that she is having in her romantic life. Rather, spend your time talking about her hobbies, favorite artist and places she would like to travel to. Seriously, use that time to get to know her on a personal level. It’s not an audition for a new best friend role, so get in there and get to know who she is!
#2: Tickle her fancy---meaning compliment her. Send her cute messages during the day to set you apart from her other friends and present her with personalized gifts. I remember when my now boyfriend and I were just friends, we had a random text message conversation and I told him I was thinking of getting a fish for a pet. Not knowing he would remember that conversation, he showed up at my door step in the pouring rain the next couple of days with a cute little fish and a tank ( mind you I lived in the neighboring state at that time). Ok this might be a little extreme for some but sometimes you have to go the extra mile if you have feelings for your “friend”. For me, it wasn’t about the fact that he bought me a fish; rather, it was how he took the time to listen and the effort he put into personalizing my gift.
#3 Be gallant and ask her out on a date-- this is the most important step because a relationship or dating can only work if the feeling is mutual. You have to clearly communicate what you want and what your intentions are. Therefore, instead of getting stuck in the friend zone by being afraid, it is often more productive to communicate your desires up front. I really think it is better to know whether someone is interested in you or not at an early stage, this way you know what your next steps are - to stay in the friend zone or to muster up enough courage to ask her out on a date
#4 Let her put in an effort as well… ok let me explain! If you end up doing all the chasing and investing, you will end up developing all of the feelings and reaping none of the rewards leaving you right where you started: in the friend zone. Don’t get me wrong, I agree that a man should work hard to get the woman he likes (mama didn't raise no fool) ;however, it’s also fair to say that people in general value what they work hard to attain.Thus, to avoid the friend zone, a fair amount of effort on both sides should be invested. Seriously fellas, you can’t be the only one calling all day and night 365 days a year, initiating conversations 24/7 or catering only to her needs at your expense. If she remotely has feelings for you she will also put in the effort in getting to know you. Trust me, when a girl likes you, she will invest her time in you,, this will let you know that your efforts aren't going to waste.
*It’s important to note that just because you followed the advice above, it doesn’t guarantee that a girl has to date you or want you. No woman should have to do anything because you are a nice guy or are good to them. The advice given mainly works when the feelings are mutual. A relationship is a two way street. And If a woman says no or I’m not interested in you, please take the hint and move on to someone who does. No need to force it or act out of character. Instead of spending your time on someone who doesn’t feel the same about you, focus on building a relationship with someone who shares your feelings.
Three women going through life.