“As iron sharpens iron so does a friend sharpen a friend”- Proverbs 27:17
You can tell alot about a man based on the company he keeps: I mean who he chooses to spend his time with, and what he does with that time can reveal a lot about his character and mindset. That’s why we deem it very important to help our fellas out in paying attention to who they allow in their tribe of friends. By now a lot of you may already have your tightly knit group of friends; however, there’s nothing wrong with re-evaluating those relationships if they aren’t yielding positive results in your life. There’s nothing more unattractive about a man who is approaching his 30s yet remains stagnant in life and whose friends pose boyish mentalities and attitudes (ugh). Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m all about having fun (the right kind), and making amazing memories with your crew. However, it is also important to remember that what wows a woman, especially a woman like me, is how my man purposefully lives his life and the ambitious group of friends who speak positivity and growth into him. I am a believer in the saying, “you are who you attract” and when dating, I always pay attention to the types of friends my man associates himself with because it speaks volumes to whom he really is.
So, whether you are re-evaluating your circle of friends or interested in putting together a winning and motivating crew of friends, below are some tips to help you find the right #squad.
1. Be astute in your search:
Pay attention fellas! It is very important that you find a group of friends who are strong enough to maintain their individuality and unique perspectives on life. Having friends like these means that they will discourage you from conforming to societal norms and encourage you to claim your rightful throne as a king: a man full of wisdom, purpose and humility. If you want to continually grow and evolve in every aspect of your life, it’s important that you be astute in your search for the right group of friends.
To achieve this, you can begin by: a) casually meeting various groups of men in a social setting. Through a series of conversation with these groups, it can help you weed out the leaders from the followers. After all, conversations tends to reveal a lot about people. You get to know whether the guy you are talking to is a leader or a follower. Followers blindly accept what they are told by others and tend to neglect what is right. These are the type of people that you want to stay clear away from.
2. What does their lifestyle say about them?
Now, if you find guys whose sense of a good time typically involves clubbing every weekend, cheating, living life on the fast lane, are content with being complacent and living a mediocre life, please stay away from them. Having friends like these in your circle will only lead you astray. I know you are probably saying, I am an individual and my friends do not dictate my lifestyle choices; however, whether you choose to agree with me or not, we are all influenced in one way or the other by the people in our circles. It’s important that you surround yourself with men who are determined to live a positive life. The type of friends you can build with. Friends who do not only challenge you, but make you feel comfortable in bouncing off creative ideas and pushes you to bring them to fruition. Seriously, you need friends who are interested in making sure you are living a life full of purpose and not merely settling for one.
To achieve this, you have to be willing to ask yourself these honest questions:
What does each of these friends bring to the group?
Are you all learning from each other?
Are you all speaking life and “King ish” to each other?
Are you all ambitious and hold each other accountable?
Are you there for one another through thick and thin or only when the good times roll? And do you all focus on the present moments and not the future?
It’s important to think about what drives results and ambition in your circle, and to make sure that your friends are adding fire to your dreams and goals. If majority of your answers to the questions above are no, then it’s time to re-evaluate your circle of friends.
3. Evaluate their milieu
Lastly, pay attention to your surroundings. Your friends are typically friends with other people outside of your circle. It’s important that you are aware of who those people are, and what attributes and qualities they share with your friends. Who your friends spend time with outside of you will reveal a lot about their character and mentality. For example, if your friend is ambitious when he is with you and oozes positivity but then gets around his other friends and conforms to negativity, that’s a red flag! You need people who can remain their authentic selves regardless of who they are with or without the external influences in their surroundings. Because friends like these are firm, reliable, trustworthy, and can intervene in your life for the better.
To achieve this: you have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone and meet your friend’s friends. Maybe a basketball pickup game or even just a hang out at a lounge - you need to know who they hang out with. You also have to be able to ask yourself these hard questions: what characteristics do these people bring out in your friends? What are you getting out of this friendship? What have your friends brought to the table? Has this exchange changed how you see your friend? If so, is this a negative or positive thing? You may not ‘gel’ with everyone that your friends hang out with and that’s fine, it's more about understanding your friends holistically and making sure that you feel comfortable associating your name with them even when you’re not around.
Now that you have these helpful tips, we hope it inspires you broaden your horizon and only associate yourself with other Kings!
Three women going through life.