Gone are the days of our mothers and fathers “old fashioned types of African relationships”. You know the ones where the men are extremely dominant and the women are way too submissive. I mean times have changed, and so have our expectations of each other when it comes to romantic relationships. Dating African men - and this is not a generalization so don’t come after me- but from personal experiences, can come with its own set of unspoken rules, norms, challenges and complications. I’m not here to bash anyone, or dismiss certain traditions and values; however, after discussing this with several of my fellow modern African girls who are educated professionals and hearing their perspectives, here are a few important things we look for when dating an African Man. Hopefully this might help you become more attractive to the African Queen/Goddess that you have your eyes set on:
Intelligence and Respect: Put some respek on my name! Ok so this resonated across the board during our conversation. Many modern African women look for men who are intellectual and respectful, an African man with a brain is all so sexy. If we can hold a conversation with you about important things in life such as career goals, family values, politics, social issues etc., if you can respect our opinions and what we bring/add to the discussions, we find you even more attractive. An African man who isn’t intimidated by the intelligence of his woman, respects her perspectives, loves that his Queen can hold her own and doesn’t feel like he knows everything, is a man worth knowing!
Sharing Of The Domestic Responsibility: Ok this one's a biggie! Society has totally changed and dynamics in relationships are different. Nowadays the modern African woman is well educated, sitting on degrees, making her own money and taking care of herself (can I get an Amen!). So, when we agree to marry you and become your wife, this isn’t a sentence to become your housemaid or your mother. If your mom took care of you by washing your clothes, cooking for you etc., don’t expect me to always do the same. The African way of doing things views the woman as the primary person responsible for keeping the home. Sadly many African men still believe in this notion; however, things have changed. The modern African woman also has a booming career and many of us work outside the home. So we strongly believe that the domestic chores have to be shared between the two of us. We want an African man who knows how to cook, take care of a household, clean and be involved in raising our children. We shouldn’t have to bear the brunt of the household chores. If I’m working umpteen hours outside the home and some days you get home before me, I also expect a home cooked meal, a clean home and our children taken care of. Remember team work makes the dream work!!
A Man With A Career: You gotta keep a job boo! We are not here to financially sponsor a grown man. Wanting a man with a career doesn’t mean we are focusing on dollar signs. Rather, we prefer a man who can provide for his family, has career goals, chases his dreams, and works on attaining them. This is a man with ambitions and drive, and that my friends, is what we find very sexy and attractive. Although we can financially provide for ourselves, every woman wants a man who can also financially take care of them not because we need him to but because he wants to. Also simply put, we live in modern times and having a career is a necessity, ain't nobody got time to be living that broke life!
Maturity and Commitment: Modern African women look for maturity and commitment in an African man. We need you to drop all your childish ways when you hit a certain age. When you are in your late twenties or damn near forties, please stop with the immaturity. Partying with your boys every weekend, drinking like there’s no tomorrow, playing games and cheating around town is so unnecessary. When you meet the modern African girl, do know that it’s time to settle down and drop those boyish ways and attitudes. This calls for you to:
Romance and Kind Gestures: we love an African man who is not afraid to show their romantic side often. I mean instead of always asking for a home cooked meal, try taking your girlfriend or wife out for romantic date nights, trust me it’s a sure in way to sweep her off her feet. Coming home to candle light dinner prepared by your boo thang, receiving flowers every now then just because and showing kind gestures; is just another way to let your African Queen know that you appreciate and love her dearly. Doing these things shows that you are a real man who is not afraid to step outside the ‘traditional’ African gender norms to show your woman just how much she means to you.
Hey Modern African women and Men do you have any other things you would add to this list? Share below!
Three women going through life.