I probably shouldn’t have been listening to Labrinth’s song Jealous as I write this post but it’s that kind of a night …
Is it wrong for me to completely be both over you and want nothing more than to be with you? How is it that I allow this duality in emotion to reside in me when I know that nothing good can come of this level of confusion? So I decided to shut it all the way down.
Shut down that part of my brain and heart that both loves and hates you all at once. Shut down all avenues of communication so that I could just be free again. Free from all the tears, masks and lies that I have come to collect. I need to be rid of you.
Rid of your scent and the image that I have memorized of your body. No, engraved. Engraved in my skull then melted and molded into my memories. Molded to the point that I cannot dare remember some parts of my youth as I fear that I will automatically have your taste, scent and laugh all rush in at once. The memories of just how tall you were. How strong your muscles got when you (*cough cough*) … but I digress. This is what I need to walk away from.
Walk away from the feelings that remind me that you are both the deepest cut and love that my heart has felt. A heart that you promised to love and cherish and protect; yet here I am … doing all I can to get unstuck from you.
A tired twenty something
Three women going through life.