This has been one of those posts that I’ve dreaded writing! Yikes! Talk about wearing your heart on your sleeve. Here we go.
I am afraid of online dating. I have heard both all the amazing things that can happen and all the crazy things that can occur. I’ve also had more than one friend who found their soulmate through online dating and got engaged. So why am I so afraid?
I’m old school
I still do believe that a man will find me and we will hit it off and then get married and have some babies. You may think I am naive but when I close my eyes and look at my babies, I still want to have that story of how kismet played a part in bringing their dad and I together. I am a romantic at heart with an idealized version of how I would like things to play out! Don’t shoot me! Love me this way :).
I know too many people
This is a real fear for me! I’m not popular but I’ve lived in the same place for a while now and I know people! I am usually at about three degrees of separation from people I went to college with. I have an awesome network of friends and yes, some of those folks are dating online and loving it and while they can do it, the thought that someone will see my pic online and think hmm I didn’t know that she was single and ready to mingle just unsettles me sooo much! Guys, I can’t even begin to describe how I would feel being on a date with someone I know and the conversation is like ‘so how great is it that we are both on the same dating app!’ Oh gosh I just cringe at that thought! If you are reading this, just ask me out now sans dating app intervention!
I don’t want to be labelled
I do not like uncertainty. I’m sure that there are many who can agree with me when I say that I like knowing if I am ‘with’ someone or not. I disagree with people who say that they don’t want to ‘label’ a relationship because ‘they’ know what is going on … So why are you crying and broken hearted when this guy who apparently you was just ‘hanging out’ with decides to move on and do the same with another girl without telling you? But I digress … Call me a labeller but I feel like if I get online, people will know me as the online dating girl! I don’t want to think that those around me will reduce me to my online dating life. I can just hear it now: hey girl, how are you doing? How is work? How was last night’s date? And that’s all I will be good for! Dating stories. I can tell a good story but guys, I don’t want to be the online dating girl!
I’m afraid of rejection
Now that we have gotten all the excuses out of the way, let’s talk about the real reason I refuse to online date. I like being liked. Not in a crazy needy way … I just like knowing that when I spend an hour or two with you, I leave you happy and feeling valued. That is one of the most important things to me be it in a friendships or relationships. The idea that I could absolutely connect with someone and then not hear from them again terrifies me! That level of rejection is tantamount to an atomic bomb for me. Nobody likes rejection. I get that. But for me, this is truly why I am not online dating. I can’t stand having to go out every weekend with someone new - nails done, hair done, heels on - enjoy their company and then not get a second date or even a text back! Or, and this is one of my happier scenarios, going on a couple more dates then hearing the dreaded words - ‘This was fun, but it’s just not going to work out!’ Gosh, honestly even typing that gave me a chill. I hate making people feel unwanted and online dating really leaves you out there! You are open to the world and someone can hurt you by simply not texting back or even by not saying that they had a great time at the end of a date. Yes, this is what dating is like today, but online dating adds a certain layer of vulnerability that my heart and I are not ready for.
This fear is real to me. I would love to get my butt out there and date online, but as you can see … it is not in the cards for me at this point! So go ahead and tell me your online dating stories so I can live vicariously through y’all!
Unless you have a few words of wisdom for me...
Three women going through life.